Expectations cause let down. So often, we set expectations on others and feel let down when those expectations aren’t met. Expectations on family, friends, Christians, churches, pastors, leaders, etc. can be harmful not only for ourselves, but for others as well. Expectations can damage relationships or cause unnecessary resentment.
The goal in sharing this is not to convict, but to encourage you in releasing your expectations, because doing so can be so helpful and healing to your spirit.
As I share with you, understand that this is a lesson I’m still learning, as I have found myself hurt so many times over wishing a relationship would look one way, when it turns out another.
Growing up, many of us can have expectations on what our families should look like. What holiday gatherings might become, or how involved and in tune with our children our extended families should be. When we grow up to realize that it ends up being different…not better or worse… just different than expected, it can almost come as a blow to our hopes and dreams.
When we join a church, we may have unrealistic expectations of the pastors or leaders. Maybe we wish they would be more attentive to us, not realizing how thinly spread they are with their entire congregation. Maybe we expect that worship leader to have his entire life together, not remembering that he is only human, with flaws just like the rest of us. Maybe we expect the church to hit every little mark we have on our list, only to end up frustrated, because we set the bar too high.
Sometimes we can set high expectations on ourselves as well. Perhaps it’s from outside pressures, or maybe just the unrealistic need to keep up with what others are doing. This can damage our self-worth if we take it too far, so we must make sure not to set ourselves up to fall so hard. Aiming for those expectations that are out of reach can cause unnecessary stress, and can in turn cause us to flounder when all we want to do is safely reach those goals we’ve set for ourselves. Caring for ourselves in such a way keeps us in a place where we can be the best spouse, parent, or friend we need to be. It’s so important to extend grace to ourselves in the same way we do with others.
We must also understand that expectations shouldn’t be confused with goals. Goals are good! We can desire real, authentic relationships, understanding that everyone is at different stages in their journeys, and embracing those different stages, while encouraging and motivating each other to keep growing and moving forward.
I want to do what God has called me to do. I want to be that person that says, “yes, Lord. Whatever the cost!” I want to go into any situation the Lord has for me, knowing full well that the goal is to pour my heart into that person or mission, expecting nothing in return, while giving great thanks for those unexpected blessings that may come my way.
On the flip side, we should assume responsibility for our part in letting others down. When we accept our part in a hiccup or the breakdown of a relationship, we are showing that person we care. We are owning the fact that we’ve let them down, while appreciating their forgiveness and striving to do better from this point on.
Feeling others’ expectations on us is very stressful. Think about that when you are expecting things from others. We must be respectful of other people’s time, energy, and responsibilities in an effort to release our expectations of them, and understand that we’re all doing our best.
Let’s make it a goal to release our expectations while striving to reach our goals in all that we do, and in everyone we come across. Let’s give plenty of grace, much forgiveness, and loads of encouragement as we walk through life with family, friends, and acquaintances. When we drop those expectations, our hearts can fully embrace each relationship for what it is, rather than what we think it should be.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” – Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)
