I wanted to be a mother ever since I can remember. I’d line all the baby dolls up and pretend I had a dozen kids. Once Poncho and I were married, we wanted to start having kids right away. Motherhood was all I wanted. I thought we’d have a couple kids and call it good. We’d do all the things with them: sports, dance, get a dog, memorable vacations, and most importantly, be sure to have equal quality time split between them.
Poncho would always ask me, “what do you want to be? What is your goal? What ministry has the Lord laid on your heart?” The answer was always the same: to be a mom and to raise kids to have a heart for the Lord! Little did I know the journey God had before me…
I have been blessed to have many precious roles in motherhood: bio mom, foster mom, adoptive mom, special needs mom, bereaved mom, and large family mom. As mothers, we wear so many hats. We go through so many seasons. They come and go, sometimes to return, other times gone forever. We do our best in each season, and pray for grace and guidance to navigate through each step.
All of my kids are my real kids, loved by me immensely, no matter how they arrived to our family. I see them individually, and I see them as my own. I don’t see them as biological, foster, or adopted children. They are all my children, period. My heart still belongs to those kids who walked through our doors for only a short time, but allowed us to impact them in a positive way while they were with us.
We have a constant flow of children coming in and out of our home, whether they are friends or relatives, and I’m often asked why I allow so many kids to come over so often. The answer is simple: We open our doors to them because we hope that they will see Jesus here.
When the Lord speaks to me, I can’t shake it. I can’t sleep. I have learned his voice, so when I hear it, I act quickly. I don’t like to hesitate.
When the Lord led us to become foster parents, we fostered many infants and toddlers over a few years’ time. During those first few years, people would ask me how I could bring so many babies in just to give them back. They assumed it wasn’t hard on me. I would always say, “How can I not take them in? I have an opportunity to pray over them, and to allow them to bond with someone who cares for them deeply. Both things which will follow them for life.”
Because we took so many kids in, and eventually had to say goodbye, people assumed it must not have been hard on us emotionally. We must have been much stronger than the average person. It is very hard on a foster parent’s heart to let each and every one of those kids go, after investing so much love, time, and energy into them. The key to making it all work, is to intentionally pray on a daily basis, for their lives, their strength, their future, and for ours as well.
Eventually, in 2011, the Lord brought a sibling group of four into our lives, doubling our family size overnight. After a fostering journey with them, the Lord opened the door for us to adopt them and we became 10! Now I was an adoptive mom and a large family mom, forever!
I remember crying one day in my office, rambling and blubbering to Poncho about how “I can’t do this” and “how can I possibly raise this many kids?” I was even crying about how much time it takes just to feed all of them.
He calmed me down as usual, looked at me, and said, “Amanda, the Lord gave us these eight kids. He has pre-approved you, and made you capable of raising them well!” It all made sense in that moment. I pulled up my big girl britches and took this new journey of motherhood on with my whole heart!
Now, it hasn’t been easy, and there have been many tears, but with the Lord’s guidance, we have and continue to navigate through this messy life of parenting, striving to view each child as an individual and not just a bunch of kids. We want to hear and listen to them daily, intentionally raising and spending time with them, each in their own ways.
I mess up and yell at times. Parenting can be hard and messy, but I aim to be intentional about the time I spend with my kids. They are not young for long. Foundations are set when they are young, and now is the time to teach them by example and to pour everything I have into their lives.
They are my arrows. They are my number one ministry.
“Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring, a reward from Him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.”
Psalm 127:3-5
